We are used to seeing him in a thunderous, scowling sulk. Yet the clouds of wrath briefly parted this week when the Duke of Sussex came to the UK wreathed in smiles and apparent good cheer.

The prodigal son was back, his ‘game face’ on as he embarked upon a mission to win back those hearts and minds he so carelessly kicked to the kerb five years ago. Can it possibly work?

Within and without royal circles Prince Harry was putting on the ritz, fraternising with the enemy, puffing away on the pipe of peace – but did anyone want to take a toke with him?

Barely six months ago our hero was meeping about an ‘establishment stitch-up’ after losing his Court of Appeal challenge over his security arrangements while in the UK. His father, he publicly complained, wouldn’t speak to him because of it.

Honestly, before we even get started I feel that we have crashed into the whole Harry problem right there; the sour crux of the ongoing crisis, why we are where we are. And it is not that King Charles or the House of Windsor have closed ranks on the fifth in line to the throne for reasons unknown – why would they bother?

It is more that headstrong manchild Harry can never be wrong, or proved wrong, or questioned, or doubted, or – God forbid – denied what he desires. Should this happen then it is not because it just might be the logical conclusion or the right way forward. It is because this prince believes he is the perma-victim of an ongoing conspiracy, a target who is constantly clobbered by betrayal and wanton emotional violence from those who wish him harm.

Churning away inside this saddening whorl of hubris and hurt, Harry remains a stranger to reason, blind to the responsibilities of others, only caring for himself and Meghan-Who-Gets-What-Meghan-Wants. Is he back in London because he truly desires to make amends, to be welcomed into the fold and do his royal duty again?

Or is it that he is tired of fighting and losing, sick of courts and monstrous legal bills? And above all else, could it be that our exiled prince, with an expensive Californian lifestyle to fund, is running out of options?

On the surface, the trip was a successful exercise in family diplomacy – but was there any real achievement behind the buttery bonhomie? Harry was inside Clarence House for one cup of tea and barely 52 minutes.

Prince Harry leaves at Clarence House after his 54-minute tea meeting with his father – their first get-together in more than 18 months

Take away the time it must have taken to walk to and from the meeting room inside the royal residence and father and son could not have been together for much more than half an hour.

Even by the odd standards of this oddest of families – in a royal tribe heavy with the burden of business as well as blood bonds – it was only a flicker of light amid the silent darkness of 19 months of no-speaks.

Yes, King Charles represents an institution that is all about Christian values, family unity, peace and forgiveness.

Yet he is also a member of The Firm who never forgave the Duke of Windsor for his selfish act of abdication – and then ostracised him and the Duchess of Windsor until their deaths and beyond. Let us not forget what this lot are capable of.

‘It would be nice to reconcile,’ Harry said recently, and really, it would. There is nothing to be gained from this continuing deep freeze.

Perhaps it is even beginning to dawn on him that, although he can have lots of advisers and celebrity friends, he will only ever have one father and one brother – and they are irreplaceable.

Although Prince Harry may have broken bread with King Charles – more likely a Bath Oliver biscuit – what does that mean going forward?

As he crassly said himself, no one knows ‘how much longer my father has’. And waiting in the wings are two far more demanding and unyielding prospects – Prince William and us, the great British public. Is the future king prepared to forgive Harry’s personal and monarchical treachery? Are we?

Harry invited the hated media to record his presence at selected events on his fake royal mini tour this week, because you know what? They have their uses after all.

He played balloon swords with little kiddies, he posed for selfies, he let everyone know he dropped a cool million into the Children In Need coffers. Nice one, Sir.

The royals donate to charity all the time and some found the Duke of Sussex trumpeting his generosity as rather crass – hard to argue with that – but I welcomed this uncharacteristic blast of transparency.

It is good to know what the secretive duke and duchess are doing with all their money and their Archewell charity funds. Pshaw! No one is suggesting for one second they are spending it all on cashmere jumpers, private jets, dinners with Oprah and surf lessons, but more clarity is always welcome.

For Harry, this week was a reset, an adjustment, a tuning up from the prodigal son on his own terms.

He wants to be loved again. He doesn’t want his children excluded from his heritage and his home country; one can understand why. It is the core of their Sussex specialness, the fount of their fortune, it is why they are a little prince and princess in the first place.

Prince Harry the inaugural ‘Invictus Horizons’ reception the evening after Clarence House

Without their shared British history, they are just minor Disney characters in a far-off republic, with no meaningful public role. All four of them.

Yet isn’t it too late to start sprinkling duchessy flowers of forgiveness on this bog of mouldering rancour?

One wonders what would have happened if Prince Harry had won all his court cases, made a success of all his new US business ventures and found a new level of fame and riches in America. Would he even be here? Would he care about being forgiven? I wonder.

For the prince doesn’t seem to understand, even now, that it is all on him. There are some things you can never take back, so don’t say them in the first place.

There are some things that can never be unwritten, so don’t write them. Prince Harry, in many ways, is like one of those defectors who fled from Russia during the Cold War, their freedom gained at the expense of the family left behind.

King Charles and Prince William have never complained, not once, about the extra burden Harry’s exile placed on their shoulders – but is it a wrong that can ever be made right?

One of the most telling glimpses of Prince Harry this week was in his car, when he was being driven away from his brief meeting with his father.

For a moment the cheery mask slipped, the game face had gone. Instead he had the grim expression of a man who had just been refused a mortgage. Again.

Apple’s core value is on the catwalk

Vogue magazine has declared that Apple Martin is an It Girl, and that is it. ‘I feel like my style hasn’t been fully actualised yet, but I’m slowly getting more into it,’ said the 21-year-old daughter of Coldplay’s Chris Martin and Goop’s Gwyneth Paltrow.

Gwyneth Paltrow and Apple Martin at a Goop event in the Hamptons, New York, in 2023

This second generation nepo baby is studying law, history and society at university in America, but what is the point? When you are as pretty as Apple, a career in front of the camera is simply inevitable. She has just signed her first contract with Self Portrait, a London-based fashion house. Only she is not a model, she is an ‘ambassador’. And they are not a label, they are a company who pride themselves on a ‘deep understanding of structure and materials’.

Whatever. Our girl is destined for the catwalk, not the courts.

Samantha Cameron, founder of Cefinn and David Cameron’s wife, attends The Lady Garden Gala in 2024

Sam’s buyers were thin on the ground

Samantha Cameron is to wind down her fashion label Cefinn. The former prime minister’s wife launched her company in 2017 – and since then it has never turned a profit. Frankly, I’m not surprised.

I often walked past her King’s Road shop – and there was never a sinner in there, apart from bored looking staff. Just a load of dull but beautifully made frocks swishing on their hangers, waiting for slender Tory tradwives from the shires to come along and claim them.

They never did – or at least not in enough numbers to save Samantha from the chop. Some may gloat at the demise of this woman and her brand, but at least she tried – and has to be applauded for that. Perhaps Sam Cam’s mistake was to make the kind of frocks that only women like herself could wear and afford; gels who were slim, posh, in need of something elegant but unobtrusive to wear to a rotary luncheon and didn’t mind the £350 price tag.

And there haven’t been enough of them around since 1935.

The National Television Awards never fail to thrill. It is where stars of the small screen try to outdo each other in the bad frock Oscars. If you thought Carolina Herrera had never made a duff dress, check out Cat Deeley in pea soup green frills. Avert your glance from Olivia Hawkins in a baby pink drag queen gown with jewelled corset. However, fright sight of the night was Liz Hurley, dressed as some kind of sex stormtrooper in an arresting outfit that quite possibly should have got her arrested. Girls, I love you – but head down to Cefinn next time and give our boiling eyes a rest.

Ed Sheeran has set the record straight after announcing his move to the US earlier this week – telling fans he won’t be leaving the UK for good.

Ed seems to be confused about his personal identity. He told one interviewer he wanted to move to Nashville because it was his favourite city in America. ‘Yeah, I want to move there and transition to country music,’ he said. Then he told someone else that he ‘identified culturally as Irish’.

The 34-year-old singer was born in Yorkshire but lives in Suffolk, which only adds to the bewilderment but I have the answer.

Forget Tenessee and Ireland, Ed. If you want to be with your people, book a seat on Elvish Air and get back to Middle-earth without delay.