When my husband left me for my best friend after 20 years together, I was devastated. Suddenly, I was a homeless, single mother

It was the Christmas of 2009 when I found out that my husband, after 20 years together, was having an affair with my best friend, and had been doing so for months.

At the time, we had been living in a gorgeous 1700s farmhouse in the sunny south of France, not far from Biarritz, with our four children. Originally from Edinburgh, we’d moved there, from Londonin 2004.

For many women, such an affair – a betrayal by the two people closest to me – would be their worst nightmare. And in many ways, it truly was one come true for me.

Suddenly, I found myself in a position I’d never considered before: as I’d pretty much surrendered all control to my husband, I was homeless and helpless, facing a return to Scotland, where I would be living on benefits.

At 52, I was ashamed that I had no money and nowhere to live. I was left to raise my four children, then aged between 10 and 16, alone.

Flash forward to now, and I’m 67 and thriving – in a job I love, feeling completely fulfilled by life once again – even without a partner by my side.

The answer to my incredible transformation is a simple one – and one that I would urge any woman who finds themselves in my situation to turn to. But first, let me take you back to the beginning…

Southern France is a beautiful place and, in many ways, my husband and I had been very happy there.

There’s skiing, there’s rugby, and there’s horse riding, to name just a few of the activities nearby.

We lived right on the border of Spain – we could even pop there for lunch and be home by the late afternoon.

Of course, nothing is perfect. I am, and always have been, a high achiever.

After all, it was I who’d organised our life in France and found our home there. I arranged our social lives, moved the children into school, and supported my husband’s business – and he didn’t speak French.

At some point along the way, I had begun to feel stuck and missed our old life back at home in Edinburgh. But my husband wanted to stay – and I went along with it.

Despite these minor dwindling issues, when I found out about his affair with my best friend, it felt like a double betrayal, and I was devastated.

I felt crucified and broken. I couldn’t understand why this, of all things, had happened to me.

I really, really loved my husband, and so, I asked him if he would stop the affair and if there was any possibility we could mend our marriage.

I begged him for just two weeks to work on our relationship, to see if there was a chance that we could repair the crack that had formed.

I said to him: ‘If you walk out of that door right now, we are finished.’

But he did, and I couldn’t accept that there were now three people in my marriage, so I knew I had to leave.

Heartbroken, I spent the next six months living in the secluded farmhouse so my children could finish the school year, all while facing the prospect of starting my life all over again.

It was a period of great confusion, and I felt like I had really lost myself – the pain and the humiliation were almost overpowering at times.

I couldn’t stop crying: when I was flying between France and the benefits office in Edinburgh, I was crying. I would cry on buses.

It was a brutal ending to our relationship, and it was devastating for my children as well. And I was so desperate for money that I was even forced to sell my jewellery.

It was during this time that I first came across a life-changing book, called Spiritual Growth: Being Your Higher Self by Sananya Roman.

A couple of my friends, who considered themselves to be ‘spiritual’, suggested that the universe had always had other plans for me, and I should get in touch with a ‘higher power’.

I’m a very grounded, practical person, and I had never even heard of a higher power, but I was so broken, I thought I’d keep an open mind.

Then, my fortunes started changing, and I had a moment of real awakening.

On the way to the benefits office, I said to a friend: ‘Do you know what, I’m about to transform my life’ – and transform it I did.

I decided that although my life was in turmoil, my thoughts didn’t have to reflect that. I started thinking about the life I wanted, and began envisioning myself living in a specific part of Edinburgh that I really liked.

Out of the blue, a friend I hadn’t spoken to in 20 years contacted me, saying they’d heard of my plight, offering me the use of a car and flat in Edinburgh rent-free.

It was an absolute godsend. At the same time, the local school next to that flat, a very good state school that never has places, said they had room for two of my children.

Suddenly, everything was coming together – and it wasn’t down to chance.

Three months later, I was back on my feet and ready to move into a flat of my own and from that point, things just started falling into place.

I made my thoughts very positive and felt I was being guided to my new life.

I could have been thinking, why me? But I didn’t. It took a lot of conviction, but I finally saw a meaning, an opportunity, in what I was going through, and why it was happening to me now.

I was getting stronger and stronger, and began working festive shifts in M&S the following year, stacking shelves.

If you’d told me this a year previously, happy and blissfully unaware in southern France, I never would have believed it!

But it meant I was able to pay for Christmas presents for my children and put a roof over my head.

The job centre in Edinburgh was so supportive, and they could see I wasn’t ready to interview straight away.

When they did find me a job, it was perfect. It was in the oil and gas industry. I thought, This is just meant to be, and it fell right into my lap.

After all, it’s just energy, and I’d been working with energy in my spiritual practices.

I got the job, and I was excellent at it, and I worked there successfully for five years, until I was made redundant in 2016.

This, too, was a stroke of luck. By this time, I was ready to fly with my own business – I’m now a successful clinical hypnotherapist, life coach and bestselling author – again, something I truly believe I manifested into my life, all through positive thought.

Looking back, I completely believe that my transformation was something I actively attracted into my life by imagining how it would be if things were resolved and raising my so-called ‘vibrational frequency’.

That inner shift changed everything, because instead of focusing on the negatives, I was focusing on all the possibilities, and the potentials, and the opportunities.

I consider myself to be very psychic, meaning I can feel people’s energy and say the things that they need to hear in order to help them transform. I work with sound, I work with vibrations, and love – as cheesy as it sounds.

These days, the spiritual side of things plays a significant role in my life. I even have a spiritual shower every morning to cleanse myself of other people’s energy, to refresh and restore my pure individual energy.

I now see that it was part of my karma – to meet that man, whom I loved very much, and to have four children. And then it was my karma to move into a different sphere of my life – and I never would have been able to do that without the trigger of the affair.

I’m not grateful for the pain or the hurt that my children had to endure. But, I am grateful to myself for having the grit and the strength to turn that angst into opportunity.

I’m not looking for a new partner – my life is very fulfilled and very comfortable now without one. I know that, when the time is right, I can manifest a partner and they will come into my life.

When it comes to my former husband and my ex-best friend, I now don’t really care. They live their own lives, and it’s of no interest to me. It has no impact on my life.

I’m no longer defined by what happened to me. I’m like a Phoenix from the ashes – and I’ve never looked back.

• Gillian is the bestselling author of Tap Into The Power Of Your Subconscious Mind and Weight Loss Without Willpower. She also has a website, Change With Gillian.
• As told to Eleanor Dye.