I forgave my husbands affair because hes French. Id never accept it from any other man

Would you forgive a cheating partner? Most women say no, but what if he’s French?

It sounds ridiculous but I’ve met more than one woman who has excused infidelity because ‘that’s just what French men do’.

The same behaviour that would see a British man served with divorce papers is more often than not shrugged off as part of the Gallic charm. It’s almost seen as a ‘cultural’ act.

But are affairs really more accepted in France and should nationality ever excuse betrayal?

Firstly, the idea that all French men cheat is overblown.

Studies do suggest the French are more tolerant of affairs than Brits or Americans, but the majority still don’t stray.

However, the stereotype endures because French people have a reputation for turning a blind eye when affairs do happen. Public figures are rarely shamed for mistresses, and it seems discretion, not fidelity, is what counts.

Infidelity is often framed as a quirk of culture rather than a moral failing. All French men might not stray, but when they are, the culture is far more forgiving.

Does this mean you should be more lenient towards French men?

No. Cheating hurts whether it happens in Paris, London or Perth. It might be more openly tolerated in some cultures, but betrayal feels the same wherever you’re from.

Culture might explain cheating but it doesn’t excuse it.

I spoke to several women who’d had relationships with French men to find out, including Toby, 40, who is American and lives in Paris with her French husband.

She knew about the cliché that all French men have mistresses when she got married, but wasn’t worred.

‘I was convinced my husband was different – except he wasn’t,’ she said.

Sex and relationships expert Tracey Cox (pictured) spoke to several women who’d had relationships with French men to find out if affairs are really more accepted in France

‘When I look back, I was stupid to expect him to stay faithful. A lot of my French friends have affairs – men and women – why would he be any different? It’s much more common here than in the US. But it’s not quite the stereotype you see depicted in movies.

‘Infidelity is not brushed off as nothing when discovered. The person being cheated on gets just as furious as the average American. I’ve had girlfriends complain bitterly when they discover their partner’s affair.

‘When I remind them that they, too, have had one, they dismiss it as if it’s not relevant. Their affair was harmless; their husband’s is an insult! Can I not see the difference? Quite frankly, no.

‘The French are certainly more open sexually than other cultures but they’re also more passionate and intense with how they live life generally. They’re more likely to talk about their affairs as well.

‘If an American woman finds out her husband has cheated, she might tell her best friend, but that’s about it. A French woman is far more inclined to tell all her friends.

‘My best friend here is French, and she tried to gently warn me that my husband would be no different to hers.

‘He would have women on the side for sex, even though he loved me, she cautioned. My husband laughed when I told him and said he was now “completely Americanised” in his thinking.

‘So it was a shock when I found out – completely by chance. I had no suspicions at all. We were happy, having great sex (and quite a lot of it), our kids were great, and we loved our life.

‘His behaviour didn’t alter. There were no stray hairs on his coat or text messages discovered or showers at strange times. I simply turned up to his work as a surprise at lunchtime and, after being told he was out with a colleague, I went to a cafe across the street that we’d been to together. I wasn’t spying, just hungry.

‘I saw him walking along with another woman and knew instantly they were lovers. Their heads and their bodies were too close. He let her go first through the door to the offices and he put his hand on her back, touching her bottom. It was a sexual touch not chivalry. I felt sick.

‘I waited for him to come home and confronted him. He didn’t deny it, just looked upset that I’d found out. He said she was also married, it meant nothing, they just met at a nearby hotel occasionally for sex. It had been going on for three years and they’d met around 10 times.

‘I forgave him but on the proviso that if it happens again, I walk. He understands that I mean it. That was four years ago.

‘It’s interesting that, if he was American, I wouldn’t have stayed in the marriage. When an American man has an affair, it’s cheating. Disrespectful and opportunistic. When a French man does it, it’s culturally ingrained.

‘When I see this written in black and white, it does seem ridiculous. But it’s fact: affairs do tend to be viewed more leniently here than in other cultures. But this doesn’t mean they’re universally accepted or without consequences. We’re all individuals at the end of the day, with our own personal values and moral codes.

‘Just because you tolerate it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt you. My husband was clearly distraught seeing how much pain it caused. I honestly don’t think he will do it again.’

Tracey’s podcast, SexTok, comes out every Wednesday. Ask her a question you’d like answered at sextokpod.com.