Hoda Kotb reveals heartbreaking moment she realized her relationship with Joel Schiffman was over

Fans were left stunned when Hoda Kotb announced that she had called off her engagement to longtime partner Joel Schiffman in 2022 – and now, she has shed new light onto the moment she realized her relationship had ended.

The former Today show host, 61, started dating the financer, 67, in 2013, and together, they adopted two daughters: Haley Joy, eight, and Hope Catherine, six.

They announced that they were gearing up to get married in November 2019, but in January 2022, after nearly a decade together, they went their separate ways.

Now, in her brand new book Jump and Find Joy, the popular TV star reflected on what led to their breakup.

According to an excerpt shared by Today, Hoda explained that she felt like ‘everything had shifted’ after she attended a one-week retreat at the Hoffman Institute, which helps people ‘uncover their most powerful self.’

She explained that she had an ‘epiphany’ during the retreat and began to feel like she was ‘a total phony in her relationship,’ adding, ‘Our “us” felt different.’

She also called the decision to split from Joel ‘one of the best 10-second decisions’ of her life.

While chatting with Today about it further, Hoda explained, ‘I think sometimes you know that a relationship is good, but … it’s not deepening.

‘So you continue along on the relationship. I think the truth of the matter is … I’m an optimist. When you’re an optimist, you want to make things work, and sometimes, things don’t.

‘I loved Joel then, and I love Joel now. I just had to remind myself that it was a different kind of love.

‘It just was an epiphany for me, and it took courage for me to say it. And when I did, I felt like, “OK, there it is.”‘

Hoda insisted that she and Joel ‘have always been connected and always will be,’ but explained that she believes they are better off as ‘dear friends.’

‘You can still love and admire someone and not want to be in a relationship, a long-term relationship that way, personal relationship,’ she continued. 

‘We will co-parent in a beautiful way, but I also think our “us” is more of a, like, we’re dear friends now. 

‘And that’s beautiful, and it’s enjoyable, and it feels right. We were laughing the other day just in hysterics, and I feel like this is the right relationship for us to have.’

Now, she said their focus is co-parenting their daughters, and she stressed the importance of ‘honesty’ when it comes to how you approach the situation with young kids involved.

‘You just have to be honest about it. Kids catch pretending,’ she dished. ‘They know that Joel and I care so much for each other, and they also know that we love them dearly.

‘And I think it’s about carving out time. It’s not his time, my time. It’s our time. That’s how we do it.

‘I think [kids] understand your vibe. I really adore Joel, and they know it. I’m not pretending, I’m not faking it. So, once they see that, they go, “Ah, OK. This is good. This is good for us.”‘

Hoda also revealed she is not actively looking for a new partner at the moment, but rather, is ‘waiting to see what happens.’ 

‘I’m not running around saying, “Set me up. Who’s the guy? What’s the app?”‘ she explained.

‘But I do know that in this season, that’s coming – where and how, I’m not clear yet. But I think the closer you get to who you are, the more likely you are to meet someone who you’re ready for.

‘There’s someone meant for me out there, which I’m convinced of. I have no doubt in my mind that that exists and that person is out there. I’m longing for a soul connection.’

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on 2025-09-23 14:52:00.
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