Donald Trump finally pardons someone who isnt a crony, fraudster or January 6th rioter

The lucky recipients of this year’s Thanksgiving turkey pardons are called Waddle and Gobble – although for reasons that have not been explained, Waddle did not attend the ceremony in person

Donald Trump granted more Presidential pardons today – and for once they weren’t for Republican cronies, Crypto billionaires, fraudsters or January 6th rioters.

But he did make a string of off-colour jokes as he granted clemency to the poor, wretched creature.

Thanksgiving is this week. And, genuinely, there is an annual tradition of the President “pardoning” two turkeys – symbolically granting them immunity from being eaten over the holiday season.

The lucky recipients of this year’s pardons are called Waddle and Gobble – although for reasons that have not been explained, Waddle did not attend the ceremony in person.

“Gobble, I just want to tell you this — very important – you are hereby unconditionally pardoned,” Trump said at the theoretically heart-warming family event.

He reached over to give the plump bird a pet, but the event took a dark turn.

He told jokes about a torture prison, took shots at Joe Bideninsulted the Governor of Illinois and lied about murders.

Touting his deployment of the National Guard to Washington DC, he claimed there had been no murders in the capital for six months. In fact, there have been 61.

Trump complained about being blocked from doing the same in Chicago.

“Gov Pritzker, if you’re listening, let’s get your act together,” he said, while calling the governor a “big fat slob.”

“I refuse to talk about the fact that he’s a fat slob. I don’t mention it,” Trump went on.

He joked that some of his staff had suggested that instead of pardoning the two gobbling birds, they should be sent to CECOT, El Salvador’s brutal and almost certainly illegal torture prison, where Trump’s regime accidentally sent an innocent man.

He said of Waddle and Gobble: “I shouldn’t say this. I was gonna call them Chuck (Schumer, the Democrat Senate Minority leader) and Nancy (Pelosi, the Democrat former House speaker). But then I realised I wouldn’t be pardoning them. I would never pardon those two people. I wouldn’t pardon them. I wouldn’t care what Melania told me.”

And he joked that his predecessor Joe Biden had used an “autopen” to pardon last year’s Turkey.

“So I have the official duty to determine, and I have determined that last year’s Turkey pardons are totally invalid,” he said.